NEED HELP NOW? CALL (360) 910-1687

I Have a Mentor

by | Uncategorized

I Have a Mentor

An Excerpt from a soon-to-be-published book

Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I need advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need, but that’s because I don’t call them – I recall something they have said or did to get some of the answers I seek. Sometimes I socialize with my mentors, not always in person but am still listening to them and taking in what they say or have read something they wrote that I save for use at a later date – never know though, when that date will arrive.

My mentors don’t pick me rather, I pick them. They are young, old, male, and female. I have known many of them for years and others, just recent acquaintances. When I pick them, they are not aware that I am doing so; it is that discreet. They have said something wise or have taught me something that has enhanced my life, but in any case, they are selfless, and their only motive is to share something useful with the rest of the world – “they are giving back.”

When my mentors witness me in error, they are not judgmental, and when correcting me, they don’t point out the actual error. Instead, they bring attention to alternative points of view, allowing me to make another, more sound decision that will give me a more desirable outcome. I guess it’s like math – indeed, an equation that requires calculated risks to realize the desired change.

My mentors are not afraid to tell me what their opinion is on controversial subjects and don’t try to sway my belief in the process. It is just an exchange of ideas. They treat me with respect, and as I watch them, I see that they respect everyone. What they give to the world is indiscriminate with no prerequisites for receiving – it’s based on needs only. They are keenly aware of their imperfections and embrace the chance to improve them.

My mentors know how to criticize without being contemptuous. They understand the difference between the two words, and no one is destructive to relationships. To the many mentors on my list, I would like to thank you for knowing that doing the right thing is not the exception rather the norm.

Stealth learning by: Mike WIllbur

I Have a Mentor

I Have a Mentor

by | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Familicide, Forensic Counseling, PTSD, Uncategorized

Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I’m in need of advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need but that’s because I don’t call them – I recall something they have said or did to get some of the answers I seek. Sometimes I socialize with my mentors; not always in person but am always listening to them and taking in what they say or have read something they wrote that I save for use at a later date – never know though, when that date will arrive.

My mentors don’t pick me rather I pick them. They are young, old, male and female. I have known many of them for years and others, just recent acquaintances. When I pick them, they are not aware that I am doing so; it is that discreet. They have said something wise or have taught me something that has enhanced my life but in any case, they are selfless and their only motive is to share something useful with the rest of the world – “they are giving back.”

When my mentors witness me in error, they are not judgmental and when correcting me, they don’t point out the actual error. Instead, they bring attention to alternative points of view, allowing me to make another, more sound decision that will give me a more desirable outcome. I guess it’s like math – certainly an equation that requires calculated risks in order to realize a desired change.

My mentors are not afraid to tell me what their opinion is on controversial subjects and don’t try to sway my opinion in the process. It is just an exchange of ideas. They treat me with respect and as I watch them, I see that they respect everyone. What they give to the world is indiscriminate with no prerequisites for receiving – it’s based on needs only. They are keenly aware of their own imperfections and embrace the chance to improve them.

My mentors know how to criticize without being contemptuous. They understand the difference between the two words and know one is destructive to relationships. To the many mentors on my list, I would like to thank you for knowing that doing the right thing is not the exception rather the norm.

 

Related Insights

I Have a Mentor

by

I Have a Mentor An Excerpt from a soon-to-be-published book Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I need advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need, but that’s because I don’t call...

I Have a Mentor

I Have a Mentor

by

Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I’m in need of advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need but that’s because I don’t call them – I recall something they have said or did to get some of the answers I seek. Sometimes I socialize with my mentors; not always in person but am always listening to them and taking in what they say or have read something they wrote that I save for use at a later date – never know though, when that date will arrive.

System Or Procedural Problems?

System Or Procedural Problems?

by

In the northwest, recent family catastrophic events bring to my attention, the procedures, either lacking or not followed regarding domestic violence and the courts. In 2012, Joshua Powell murdered his two sons in a house fire that he too perished. In a short video, I...

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

by

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable...

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

by

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help...

Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911 or visit your nearest hospital

(360) 910-1687
mwillbur@willburcounseling.com

System Or Procedural Problems?

System Or Procedural Problems?

by | Familicide, Uncategorized

In the northwest, recent family catastrophic events bring to my attention, the procedures, either lacking or not followed regarding domestic violence and the courts. In 2012, Joshua Powell murdered his two sons in a house fire that he too perished.

In a short video, I viewed a news clip showing the Powell boys entering the house where their father was, ahead of the social worker assigned to the case, and to supervise the visitation. This proved fatal for those children, but of course, it was Joshua Powell that did the deed. And as in every after-action review, we can see that if procedures were in place to ensure safety, this might have never happened.

Another case, which happened in Vancouver, WA in 2011, found Tuan Dao with five of his six children in a vacant house, soon to be foreclosed. Just 30 days prior, he was arrested for assaulting his wife in their home. There was a No Contact Order in place, naming his wife as the protected party. The incident happened with the children present yet, and the court did not require supervised visitation for at least the time needed to adjudicate the case against Tuan Dao.

As in Josh Powell, Tuan Dao set his house ablaze with him and the children inside. They all perished. The similarities are worth studying. Josh Powell had a hatchet while Tuan Dao had a hammer, and both struck a match to end it all for themselves and the children.

It’s a guessing game trying to figure out why these two supposedly doting fathers would kill their children. It is much easier to accept the fact that the children were not in a safe environment, and a system coupled with the procedures within that system failed. It was unintentional but still a failure and certainly worth bringing the problems or perceived problems to the surface for analyzing and correction for the prevention of future such catastrophic events.

Summary:

It only makes sense for the court to look at each case and pick the ones where children are included in the relationship and not allow visitation without supervision during the adjudication period. Additionally, as we saw in the Powell case, if on that fateful day, the house was inspected before allowing the children in, that may have prevented the event. That said, the social worker in the Powell case may have been in danger as well, so I choose to believe, as do most behavioral scientists, that these family annihilators are anomalies. This fact does not relieve us of that awesome responsibility to ensure the safety of all family members.

Related Insights

I Have a Mentor

I Have a Mentor

by

Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I’m in need of advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need but that’s because I don’t call them – I recall something they have said or did to get some of the answers I seek. Sometimes I socialize with my mentors; not always in person but am always listening to them and taking in what they say or have read something they wrote that I save for use at a later date – never know though, when that date will arrive.

read more
System Or Procedural Problems?

System Or Procedural Problems?

by

In the northwest, recent family catastrophic events bring to my attention, the procedures, either lacking or not followed regarding domestic violence and the courts. In 2012, Joshua Powell murdered his two sons in a house fire that he too perished. In a short video, I...

read more
Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

by

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable...

read more
Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

by

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help...

read more
The Importance of Rapport

The Importance of Rapport

by

As trained counselors with decades of experience, we are able to establish rapport and facilitate an atmosphere of trust with most interviewees. Many studies show that if a person trusts the interviewer, they are much more likely to be forthcoming with relevant...

read more

Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911 or visit your nearest hospital

(360) 910-1687
mwillbur@willburcounseling.com

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

by | Uncategorized

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable need for soothing. Abnormal attachment is likely to happen with a child who has parents that employed the above two options to control behavior outbursts.

To a family that is struggling to make ends meet from check to check, this is expedient and will get them to the next day, but at what cost might you ask?

The cost is simple to calculate. When a child has a caregiver who is always available so they can see a safe place to retreat to while they explore the world in which they will sooner or later embark on, then it is likely that the child will develop a secure demeanor absent the anguish of being abandoned by their partner (used to be a mother). The general school of thought is that when a child is securely attached, they will not feel the anguish of abandonment while in an adult relationship. That brings me to what happens to those who experience neglect on so many different levels as a child.

Let’s fast-forward to the emerging adult stage where a couple have fallen in love and decided to tie the knot. In this case, the wife is firmly secure in her position in life and is confident in herself and ready to conquer the world. So, what would disrupt this development in a secure adult anyway?

Simply put, she/he has acquired an adult child in the form of a spouse/husband/wife/partner – however you gleaned that is semantics only. In the end, one is secure, and the other not. Scenarios like this present the one that is secure with the responsibility to continually affirm the other so they can function in their daily lives. This can be a burden on the relationship and is the unfortunate cause of many divorces in the world, not just the United States.

Summary

In conclusion, I must say, be prepared for change as you embark on married life because the vows you took are not mere promises engraved in stone for the life of the relationship. These vows should be fluid as our adaptations occur. We grow emotionally and intellectually throughout life and in doing so, our thinking and philosophy and even how we perceive problems in our relationships make changes. An enduring relationship is one that is patient and always willing to compromise which is the bedrock of lasting and successful marriages.

Related Insights

I Have a Mentor

by

I Have a Mentor An Excerpt from a soon-to-be-published book Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I need advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need, but that’s because I don’t call...

I Have a Mentor

I Have a Mentor

by

Actually, I have more than one mentor, but all are equally important to me. I turn to my mentors when I’m in need of advice. These mentors are not always aware of when I’m in need but that’s because I don’t call them – I recall something they have said or did to get some of the answers I seek. Sometimes I socialize with my mentors; not always in person but am always listening to them and taking in what they say or have read something they wrote that I save for use at a later date – never know though, when that date will arrive.

System Or Procedural Problems?

System Or Procedural Problems?

by

In the northwest, recent family catastrophic events bring to my attention, the procedures, either lacking or not followed regarding domestic violence and the courts. In 2012, Joshua Powell murdered his two sons in a house fire that he too perished. In a short video, I...

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

by

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable...

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

by

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help...

Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911 or visit your nearest hospital

(360) 910-1687
mwillbur@willburcounseling.com