by Mike Willbur | Domestic Violence
Whether you are a mandated reporter of child abuse/neglect or not, there remains a responsibility to be on guard for the safety of our children. For those who are in professions that require reporting, it is clear to them when to report and the procedures to do so. What about the rest? The rest who may not be mandatory reporters but still have a moral obligation? I thought it would be helpful to see what the professional reads and perhaps after reading, you can see how fitting it is for the “rest” to comply as well – And…have no worries about being sued for doing so.
Screening for Child Abuse or Neglect
When family violence comes to the attention of a professional, it is essential to determine whether children have been present or have been involved in any way. It is not advisable for a professional, unless qualified to do so, to perform an assessment of children for abuse or incest. This duty is reserved for designated professionals.
Reporting suspected Neglect or Abuse and Children’s Protective Services Agencies
Clients must be informed that mandated reporters are required to notify Children’s Protective Services (CPS) if child abuse or neglect is suspected. Clients can be informed also, of their right to report their partner’s abuse of children.
It is ultimately the mandated reporter’s responsibility to ensure CPS is contacted in the event of suspected child abuse or neglect.
It is important to prepare for the impact of reporting child abuse on the children and the family as whole. It is imperative for professionals working with family members to provide information to them about what to expect from CPS and, if at all possible, to talk with CPS caseworkers and accompany the family to any court hearings.
The Role of Professionals in Supporting the Victim (usually the mother)
Help her identify and coordinate various services available to her. Support her efforts to participate in and take advantage of the services and, listen as she voices her frustration about the difficulties of meeting the demands of the various agencies.
Can I be Sued for Reporting Suspected Child Abuse or Neglect?
Any person who in good faith makes a report or gives testimony in regard to possible child abuse or neglect is immune from civil or criminal liability. Any administrator of a hospital or similar institution or licensed physician taking a child into custody, such as in the instance when a hospital hold is warranted, is also immune from liability (RCW 26.44.060). This is the state of Washington so it’s advisable to check your home state but the above passes the common sense test.
Anonymous is probably the operative word when dealing with violence in the home. You could unintentionally put the whole family at risk. There are professionals who can determine if abuse or neglect is present and will take appropriate action if so.
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Familicide, Uncategorized
Are you afraid to say you are the head of your household? Do you and your spouse have agreed upon roles for the sake of organizing your family in order to raise the children in an organized, thoughtful, and forward thinking way of life? Or is your home in chaos?
If man has been socialized to think he is the controller but misunderstands the role, shouldn’t that thinking be explored? Is there really a problem with being assigned the role of head of household? Does it have to be either a man or a woman? What difference does it really make as long as there is integrity, continuity, and love in the home (love is not always a comfortable experience by the way).
Here is a thought to ponder – if you’re such a great leader in the work place, should you understand how to convert that leadership style into something more fitting for the family?
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Familicide, Uncategorized
My name is Sarah, I am but three, my eyes are swollen, I cannot see.
I must be stupid – I must be bad – What else could have made my Daddy so mad?
I wish I were better – I wish I weren’t ugly – Then maybe my mummy would still want to hug me
I can’t speak at all – I can’t do a wrong – Or else I’m locked up all day long
When I awake, I’m all alone – The house is dark – My parents aren’t home
When mummy does come, I’ll try to be nice – Then maybe I’ll just get – One whipping tonight
Don’t make a sound, I just heard a car – my daddy is back – From Charlie’s bar
I hear him curse – my name he calls – I press myself against the wall
I try to hide from his evil eyes – I’m so afraid now – I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping – He shouts ugly words – He says it’s my fault that he suffers at work
He slaps me and hits me, and yells at me more – I finally get free, And run for the door
He’s already locked it and I start to bawl – He takes me and throws me – against the hard wall
I fall to the floor – with my bones badly broken – And my daddy continues – with more bad words spoken
“I’m sorry!” I scream – but its now much too late – His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain – Again and again – oh please God have mercy – Oh please let it end
And he finally stops – and heads for the door – while I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah – I am but three – Tonight my daddy murdered me
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence
Here are the reasons I believe the last thing you need is couples therapy to correct a Domestic Violence behavior: I believe in autonomy and believe also that everyone is responsible for their own change. For the purpose of this post, I categorize DV as a “True Batterer and Impulse Control Batterer.”
The true batterer, as defined but the State is someone who imposes their will on to another by means of physical, sexual, psychological, and emotional tactics. This is the person (male or female) who has a deep seated belief that it is okay to use abusive behavior to control others. This type person will most likely not benefit from treatment (re-education). This is not to say they will not change because surely, some do and it’s usually later in life when that change comes about…How much damage have they done in the process of their change? This type batterer is not suited for couples therapy because he/she will use the therapy session to gather intelligence and ammunition to use against their victim and so, it becomes a safety issue. Most professional subscribe to that idea.
The impulse control batterer is most likely a person who doesn’t cope well with change or has some carry-over issues from adolescence that manifests in adulthood. This person throws things out of frustration and the inability to reach a compromise in conflict resolution; there is no middle ground for the person who lacks the necessary coping skill that should have been learned early in life. Some would argue that this is still domestic violence and I would agree with that with the exception of a true batterer does not have to be angry to be abusive and this person is someone who is reactive to situations due to lack of skills.
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Uncategorized
Even when a person decides to change, it’s not like flipping the light switch off. The behavior continues without practicing alternative ways of conflict resolution. This is assuming the Abuser is not showing any sociopathic tendencies, in which case, no reason is needed for abuse. When a person decides to change, that first step is the most powerful of all changes.
The next step is to discover why the behavior was there in the first place – an exploration of belief systems to discover if there are any flaws in that area. Ask yourself, “How did I come to believe it’s okay to manipulate and use other controlling behaviors in order to maintain a comfort zone?”
If possible, after you have taken responsibility for your own abusive behaviors, explore your relationship and share with your partner how you are changing and trying to change (in time, you’ll not need to tell your partner as they will see the change). Learn to take criticism constructively and to invest into your emotional bank account by complimenting not only your intimate partner but everyone in your household. This investment cost no money and have a tremendous return ratio – guaranteed!
