I have noticed in DV treatment group meetings that unless a person realizes they are worthwhile, change may be more of an uphill battle than it already is. It’s really sad for me to witness this self loathing and believe it can be countered by helping people learn how to trust. As this trust develops, a person may become more self assured and more comfortable in expressing themselves and even develop assertion skills along the way…
There are many studies out there making the claim that a psycho educational modality of treatment is best for DV Perpetrators. Although this Duluth model of treatment seems to be somewhat effective in many communities, it is singular in nature and attributes Domestic Violence to the male’s desire to control the female and does so by using power and control tactics. First of all, Domestic Violence is not a mental health issue rather, a behavior as the result of some underlying reason for being aggressive. It is that underlying reason for aggression that should dictate the type of treatment the perpetrator receives.
This brings to the table: How can a State dictate a treatment modality to a treatment provider when the underlying issue has not been uncovered yet? It’s quite simple actually. This psycho-educational treatment method that is known as the Duluth model, was founded over thirty years ago and with the exception of a few subtle changes along the way, it has remained as it was. Meanwhile, mental health treatments have progressed according to the many studies that support the change. Examples of this: DSM-III, IV, and V have been published since that time.
Is the system trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? Why not just call DV treatment something like, IPV (Intimate Partner Violence) educational classes instead of making it out to be some kind of treatment for a mental health issue because remember, DV is not a mental illness. On the other hand, a belief that it is okay to harm an intimate partner may be tied to some mental health issue.
This will not set well with traditional Christians but gee whiz! Since we are imperfect and undoubtedly make mistakes in life, we ought to be able to reverse any decisions made in the past that are causing havoc in our present life if possible. Lives are destroyed all the time when a couple has decided to hang in there and not divorce, “as our parents did.”
Get a grip on reality and do a Ben Franklin close on your current relationship to see if you should even be trying to salvage it. In case you’re not familiar with what a Ben Franklin close is, draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and on the left, list the pros and on the right, list the cons of your relationship – see what the score is in the end
In the State of Washington, a court mandated Domestic Violence Perpetrator is required to attend six months of weekly sessions and six months of monthly for a total of 30 visits to the treatment facility. In most cases, are the perpetrators simply attending and not realizing any intrinsic change? Do they graduate at the end of the year regardless of progress?
Folks! We may be stopping some of the behavior but know this – most likely, the physical violence is transitioning into a more subtle less visible kind of abuse. A person can be terrorized without physical violence and get away with it because being a jerk is not illegal.
There are women in this country – in the world for that matter, who have been reduced to mere property and their souls have been amputated, leaving them with little to no self respect. And so, the current system is in dire need of change and soon if we are to rid ourselves of the home grown terrorism that tears at the core of our communities. It is disgusting to think about how the children will be starting life at a disadvantage simply because of home violence.
Is it suicide that is really sought out by the person who just died by his or her own hand? Or is suicide the tool used to stop the pain that is somehow induced into their already miserable existence? In the case of Tuan Dao, if we look closer into his life, we can arrive at the conclusion he was in a state of despair with no escape route in sight. It may have been a last resort to end the suffering, which really amounted to his inability to cope with a temporary situation he perceived as permanent and inconceivable.
Let’s take the murderous event out of this equation for a moment and look at Tuan Dao’s beginnings. I wrote briefly about the possible scenarios of his early life, which culminated into a person with no coping skills, emotional regulator, and no innate sense of humility. The latter would not serve him well in his family life simply because he I believe, dehumanized his whole family, starting with his wife. In reflection, the words ring clear as he was departing our home just days before he committed that horrendous crime, “they are not your possessions Tuan, they are your children.”
As I followed this family through the years, it became apparent to me he was becoming violent; first emotionally and eventually an occasional hole in the wall and finally, with the strike of a match, ending not only his life, but five of his children’s as well. One would ask, why fire? Why not use a gun like the 91% of the familicide perpetrators do? Let’s take the gun scenario for a moment. It’s fast and requires knee jerk-like reactions. In other words, a person who is impulsive may use a gun just because it’s available and only takes a second. More times than not, it’s a lack of impulse control which dictates the use of a gun to kill a family.
A fire on the other hand, takes planning for the most part – contemplation. This is called despair folks; pain. So much pain, in fact maybe in the absence of a gun, the only other option.
