Is it suicide that is really sought out by the person who just died by his or her own hand? Or is suicide the tool used to stop the pain that is somehow induced into their already miserable existence? In the case of Tuan Dao, if we look closer into his life, we can arrive at the conclusion he was in a state of despair with no escape route in sight. It may have been a last resort to end the suffering, which really amounted to his inability to cope with a temporary situation he perceived as permanent and inconceivable.
Let’s take the murderous event out of this equation for a moment and look at Tuan Dao’s beginnings. I wrote briefly about the possible scenarios of his early life, which culminated into a person with no coping skills, emotional regulator, and no innate sense of humility. The latter would not serve him well in his family life simply because he I believe, dehumanized his whole family, starting with his wife. In reflection, the words ring clear as he was departing our home just days before he committed that horrendous crime, “they are not your possessions Tuan, they are your children.”
As I followed this family through the years, it became apparent to me he was becoming violent; first emotionally and eventually an occasional hole in the wall and finally, with the strike of a match, ending not only his life, but five of his children’s as well. One would ask, why fire? Why not use a gun like the 91% of the familicide perpetrators do? Let’s take the gun scenario for a moment. It’s fast and requires knee jerk-like reactions. In other words, a person who is impulsive may use a gun just because it’s available and only takes a second. More times than not, it’s a lack of impulse control which dictates the use of a gun to kill a family.
A fire on the other hand, takes planning for the most part – contemplation. This is called despair folks; pain. So much pain, in fact maybe in the absence of a gun, the only other option.
