Clearly, if we read and research the court records of domestic violence, we will find that it is the male who dominates the perpetrator statistics. Likewise, if it is true that increasing convictions of the females within our western society are occurring, it is no less a societal problem.
A man for example, will put up with the so-called, nagging and occasional tantrums of his wife, but eventually will loose his temper and become the aggressor in the relationship. This is not to say perpetrators are not responsible for their actions because they most definitely are – no one should have to put up with being abused—physically or otherwise.
The wise always consider that this thing we call domestic violence has an equation attached to it. That is to say, it takes two. To what extent is not relevant because of one fact. The aggressor is responsible for the inflicted injuries.
The implication here is simply to say, conflict resolution training should be a mandate in every domestic violence treatment program, and yes, and there must be a way to prepare the couple for eventual training in this area. This will not work if the relationship is being dissolved, but for a couple who is willing to work through their differences, there should be a integrated approach to treatment as difficult as this may seem to some.
The vision here is to have the aggressor complete with a passing grade, the phase of perpetrator treatment that deals with taking responsibility for one’s actions. This should then be followed by some intensive family treatment, specializing in resolving problems in an amicable way.
Yes, I am saying that a victim can also be a perpetrator — a passive aggressive perpetrator to be exact. And regardless of how society chooses to play it out, it still takes two to tango and always will. This is what makes it a family and societal problem. It is the society’s views on relationships that can have meaningful impact on the way marital couples resolve their differences.
Where and when should this training begin? Our first inclination is to say the family of course, but if this is a societal problem, then it should be attacked on a macro level to effectively change the world view of so many who will enter into relationships.
At what age is it appropriate for our public school system to implement courses of study surrounding conflict resolution? When are our children capable of independent thought? This is where the answer lies and the sooner we begin the daunting task, the better.
It is paramount, for couples that desire to work through differences, that Conflict Resolution must be a definitive component in All Domestic Violence Treatment Programs. Domestic Violence is highly volatile, fueled with multiple variables: victim can also be a perpetrator, societal problem,integrated approach extremely challenging. Reality-check: Society views, have a definite impact how couples will resolve.
Military Combat Service, former Law Enforcement threw me into the Hell’s Kitchen of the Negatives of this Society. From someone who has been there, in the trenches of this increasing epidemic, More Than Domestic Violence must be a Standard Training Aid in every Domestic Violence Treatment Program.
Thank you for contributing to this new blog about violence in the family. In regards to your mention of Veterans. My thoughts gather around the possibility of a perpetrator of family violence being a traumatized Veteran (male and female). The complexities in this arena are great and many times, the Vet is using illicit drugs, prescriptions, and alcohol to reduce the pain they feel. It is most difficult to treat this sort and although the violent behavior and drug abuse can be treated simultaneously with some counselors, specialized training in the treatment of PTSD, Personality disorders, and of course the substance abuse, is a must.
An example of how a person suffering with PTSD and using substances to cope can be hurt is when a counselor advises the client that, “all will get better when you get clean.” In fact, after detoxification, the PTSD can be exacerbated because the client will be seeking relief and the very drug that was used to sooth them, is not there. And so, it is true that the symptoms will improve over time but prescription drugs may be a compliment to treatment. When this is done though, care should be given to avoid drugs that can be addictive to the client.