Received another request recently, to conduct a domestic violence evaluation. The mandate to get this evaluation was triggered by allegations spewing from the lips of both parents who were striving to gain the upper hand over the other parent. Effectively, these parents were using their own children to navigate and get what they wanted through an unhealthy triangulation that accomplished nothing but to confuse the children.
When I get these types of requests, I know there may not be any criminal history or for that matter, there may not have been any police contact at all concerning one’s misbehavior in the home leaving me with a situation of, “Is there a propensity for violence in the home?” If so, then, by whom, and what would the treatment look like since there has not been a crime committed?
When I am faced with these kinds of evaluations, very little thought is given to what the evaluation process really is. I assure you that it is complex and requires not only collateral contact interviews but objective testing as well. This would include lethality testing as well as behavioral.
These evaluations can be life-changing for the person who is weaponizing the children to get what they want. Here’s why…I interview both partners, the children, and family members who have knowledge of the relationship and how they might be resolving their issues behind closed doors.
Some people are pretty good at taking tests but when faced with multiple testing instruments that amount to over 400 questions with multiple validating scales, the tests are hard to beat and with proper analysis of the results, they will likely yield some pretty accurate findings. The kind of findings that will land a person in some extended classes that cover behavioral change. And for the many that I have seen go to these classes, there is not a lot of “By in” to a program that is force feeding behavioral etiquette. Something to think about when you decide to use your own children in a quest for control…
Bottom line point to this is simply, resolve your issues amicably and if that’s not possible, then look next to mediation because couples in conflict are not always the best communicators and quiet frankly, are really inept of asking for what they want in a manner that will not burn the house down.
