So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable need for soothing. Abnormal attachment is likely to happen with a child who has parents that employed the above two options to control behavior outbursts.
To a family that is struggling to make ends meet from check to check, this is expedient and will get them to the next day, but at what cost might you ask?
The cost is simple to calculate. When a child has a caregiver who is always available so they can see a safe place to retreat to while they explore the world in which they will sooner or later embark on, then it is likely that the child will develop a secure demeanor absent the anguish of being abandoned by their partner (used to be a mother). The general school of thought is that when a child is securely attached, they will not feel the anguish of abandonment while in an adult relationship. That brings me to what happens to those who experience neglect on so many different levels as a child.
Let’s fast-forward to the emerging adult stage where a couple have fallen in love and decided to tie the knot. In this case, the wife is firmly secure in her position in life and is confident in herself and ready to conquer the world. So, what would disrupt this development in a secure adult anyway?
Simply put, she/he has acquired an adult child in the form of a spouse/husband/wife/partner – however you gleaned that is semantics only. In the end, one is secure, and the other not. Scenarios like this present the one that is secure with the responsibility to continually affirm the other so they can function in their daily lives. This can be a burden on the relationship and is the unfortunate cause of many divorces in the world, not just the United States.
Summary
In conclusion, I must say, be prepared for change as you embark on married life because the vows you took are not mere promises engraved in stone for the life of the relationship. These vows should be fluid as our adaptations occur. We grow emotionally and intellectually throughout life and in doing so, our thinking and philosophy and even how we perceive problems in our relationships make changes. An enduring relationship is one that is patient and always willing to compromise which is the bedrock of lasting and successful marriages.
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