by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence
I choose not to subscribe to the tactics of blaming one sex or the other. When it comes to family violence, it’s a little more complicated than, “It’s a men’s issue.”
I don’t question the veracity of it may be a men’s issue. Rather I choose to think it is more complicated than one sex over another. Bottom line though, I have zero tolerance for terrorism in the home regardless of how it is perpetrated.
Usually when it gets to sexual (not about sex) and other physical abuse, it is a final tactic to maintain control over a person…it runs deep and I love to read and listen to different perspectives on the subject. A final thought I have at the moment though – one person is responsible for their actions but it may take more than that one to fix it. If the Victim is no longer putting in a bid for the relationship to move forward, then it’s not in the cards for the two to put in the effort to reconcile. Otherwise, after a time of treatment, it may reach a point where couples counseling comes into play; not always though. This is a volatile subject but I welcome dialog and will always try to contribute positively on the subject matter.
I give much thought to this subject and today was no exception to my rule of contemplation surrounding DV and terrorism in the home. Jackson Katzs is part of a great movement and that movement, changing the distorted thinking of men on a global level, fits his mission as it is a changing paradigm. We (men) are really socialized to fit a role defined not by us rather our society as a whole. Here’s a twist in all that though – we all play a role in our personal relationships…how are those roles defined? Should it be okay to agree on the role of a husband/father or the wife/mother? Those two questions are what makes this a most daunting task.
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence
Pain in the present is experienced as Hurt
- Pain in the past is remembered as Anger – Pain in the future is perceived as Anxiety –
Unexpressed anger, redirected against yourself and held within, is called guilt -
The depletion of energy that occurs, when anger is redirected inwards creates depression
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by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence
I posed the question today about what the definition of responsibility was. The average answer was to simply to be accountable for one’s actions and do the right thing in all aspects of life. But what about the responsibility for the way we think? Is it the responsible thing to do when we don’t depend on others for our own happiness? Is it also responsible thinking when we realize we cannot control the behaviors of others? Enough energy is already being spent on our own self control and if we understand that most relationship problems are not resolvable, then that energy could come in handy almost certainly, in a more positive way. For example, growing and nurturing the relationship. It’s sort of like an investment – we get out of it what we put in it.
by Mike Willbur | Domestic Violence, Uncategorized
The following is not offered as legal advice. This information was retrieved from a google search and was copied to this blog to assist Veterans.
In Washington State, the expungement process differs between felony and misdemeanor convictions. The following 7 steps are an overview of what is involved.
1. The Required Time Period has Passed Since the Case Completed.
The first eligibility requirement to expunge your conviction in Washington State is passage of the required time period. For a misdemeanor, the time period begins to run on the date the case is closed. For a felony conviction, the time period begins to run on the date a document called a Certificate of Discharge is filed with the court. In both instances, a case is closed or a Certificate of Discharge is filed after all the sentence conditions are completed as required.
2. The Conviction is Eligible for Expungement.
Certain convictions, and classifications of convictions, are not eligible for Expungement in Washington State. Generally, class A felonies (the most serious), sex crimes, and violent crimes cannot be expunged in Washington State. Among misdemeanors, Washington State does not permit a DUI conviction to be expunged.
3. You Meet the Clean Behavior Requirement.
Two situations will make your conviction ineligible for expungement. For a misdemeanor, if you were convicted of another crime on a later date then you would not be eligible to have the misdemeanor expunged. For example, if you were convicted of a misdemeanor in 1995, and another crime in 1997, then the 1995 crime would not be eligible to be expunged. For a felony, if you were convicted of another crime after the date the Certificate of Discharge was filed then you cannot expunge the felony.
4. Special Rule for Misdemeanors.
Washington State has an interesting rule that applies only to misdemeanor convictions. To expunge a misdemeanor, you cannot have had any other conviction expunged (vacated). What this means is if a person has a felony conviction and a misdemeanor conviction, and the person expunged the felony conviction first, then the misdemeanor could no longer be expunged. However, if the misdemeanor was expunged first, and if the misdemeanor conviction occurred before the felony conviction, then the felony could still be expunged.
5. Preparation.
An expungement, or vacation of a criminal conviction, requires a judge to sign a court Order. The court process is begun by filing a Motion to Vacate Conviction with the court. Prior to filing the Motion, you should get copies of the Docket and the Judgment & Sentence from the court clerk. You should also obtain a criminal history report, called a WATCH Report, from the Washington State Patrol website.
6. Your Day In Court.
Most Washington State courts require a hearing to Expunge, or Vacate, a criminal conviction. Most courts do not require you to attend if you have a lawyer appearing at the hearing on your behalf. If the preparation has been done properly, then the hearing should go very smoothly and the judge will sign the Court Order Vacating your criminal conviction.
7. Your Criminal Record is cleared.
The court clerk processes the Order and sends a certified copy to the Washington State Patrol, which removes the conviction from the public database. The FBI record is updated based on the Washington State record. And, if the Order was prepared correctly, a copy will also be sent to the police department that handled the case and your record will also be cleared in their file. Your conviction has now been expunged (vacated), and your criminal record is cleared.
The above is not meant to be legal advice rather surface information about the procedures. Although it is not required to have an attorney to accomplish this, if any questions arise concerning the procedures to vacate, an Attorney should be consulted.
by Mike Willbur | Domestic Violence
“A pattern of abusive behavior.” That single sentence is probably the most defining when comparing these two words: Anger and Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence). Domestic violence is a behavior – a behavior that is chosen over something else…
By itself, it’s just a behavior but it can run deep and requires a lot of work by the abuser. It takes exploration of belief systems, how one feels about themselves, what the perceived role of the male versus the female, a deep look at why a person would want to control another deserves very close examination and in doing so, sort of like looking in the mirror, the behavior can change. It takes time though and is not like flipping the light switch on or off. And so, what can be done while all the change is taking place?
Well, first I would say, if you’re thinking that, then you’re already halfway there. In short though, you fake it till you make it. Practicing different thinking patterns is the beginning and a slow process but so rewarding if given the chance to succeed (Exercise caution when changing patterns of thought though, you could begin to feel better).
In short, if you’re mandated to attend DV treatment, that’s exactly what it is, TREATMENT! You should not be mistreated rather, helped through the journey of discovery and new understanding of self in order to live a more quality life either with your current partner or future relationship.
Regards,
