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Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable need for soothing. Abnormal attachment is likely to happen with a child who has parents that employed the above two options to control behavior outbursts.

To a family that is struggling to make ends meet from check to check, this is expedient and will get them to the next day, but at what cost might you ask?

The cost is simple to calculate. When a child has a caregiver who is always available so they can see a safe place to retreat to while they explore the world in which they will sooner or later embark on, then it is likely that the child will develop a secure demeanor absent the anguish of being abandoned by their partner (used to be a mother). The general school of thought is that when a child is securely attached, they will not feel the anguish of abandonment while in an adult relationship. That brings me to what happens to those who experience neglect on so many different levels as a child.

Let’s fast-forward to the emerging adult stage where a couple have fallen in love and decided to tie the knot. In this case, the wife is firmly secure in her position in life and is confident in herself and ready to conquer the world. So, what would disrupt this development in a secure adult anyway?

Simply put, she/he has acquired an adult child in the form of a spouse/husband/wife/partner – however you gleaned that is semantics only. In the end, one is secure, and the other not. Scenarios like this present the one that is secure with the responsibility to continually affirm the other so they can function in their daily lives. This can be a burden on the relationship and is the unfortunate cause of many divorces in the world, not just the United States.

Summary

In conclusion, I must say, be prepared for change as you embark on married life because the vows you took are not mere promises engraved in stone for the life of the relationship. These vows should be fluid as our adaptations occur. We grow emotionally and intellectually throughout life and in doing so, our thinking and philosophy and even how we perceive problems in our relationships make changes. An enduring relationship is one that is patient and always willing to compromise which is the bedrock of lasting and successful marriages.

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Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable...

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help...

The Importance of Rapport

The Importance of Rapport

As trained counselors with decades of experience, we are able to establish rapport and facilitate an atmosphere of trust with most interviewees. Many studies show that if a person trusts the interviewer, they are much more likely to be forthcoming with relevant...

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

Received another request recently, to conduct a domestic violence evaluation. The mandate to get this evaluation was triggered by allegations spewing from the lips of both parents who were striving to gain the upper hand over the other parent. Effectively, these...

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Sometime back, I conducted an evaluation on a client who had been recently released from prison. Not only did I provisionally diagnosed this person, the client was previously diagnosed while in prison a number of years ago. What? Autism spectrum disorder. This poor...

Domestic Violence Treatment

Domestic Violence Treatment

A domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must focus treatment primarily on ending the participant's physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. The primary goal of a domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must be to increase the victim's safety by:...

Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911 or visit your nearest hospital

(360) 910-1687
mwillbur@willburcounseling.com

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help with early warning signs and prevention.

 

The research about family annihilators shows that those who would commit such acts, are typically not engaged with the criminal justice system and don’t exhibit any mental health conditions. In other words, they fly under the radar. On the surface, they are loving husbands and good fathers. Most often, they hold good-paying jobs. So, what does the profile of a typical annihilator resemble? I took the following information from an article published by the UK titled, “A Taxonomy of Male British Annihilators, 2008-2013.”

 

In this article, Dr. Wilson states, first of all, “Very few of these ‘family annihilators’ had criminal records or were known to mental health services beforehand.”

 

Everyone will agree that family annihilation is a male crime due to out of 71 annihilators, 59 were male, and 12 were female. And although the reasons are not stated in the article, I believe that males and females who kill their children will do so for very different reasons. Therefore, the two should be parsed accordingly for research purposes.

 

Interestingly enough, 81% percent of the men attempted suicide after the act, which refutes the traditional idea that family annihilators may force the police to shoot them as is familiar with the spree murderers. In the case of family annihilators, there were no such cases recorded. Notably, 71% of those were employed, with occupations ranging from surgeons and marketing executives to mail carriers, and drivers.

 

According to the family members of the 71 annihilators mentioned, the family breakup was the most common cause in 66% of the cases. However, this included related domestic issues such as access to children. Financial difficulties were the second most commonly cited motive, followed by honor killing and mental illness.

 

The article discusses traits and motives which identify four types of family annihilators; anomic, disappointed, paranoid, and self-righteous. It is differentiated from the traditional ideas of revenge or altruistic murderers.

 

The self-righteous killer seeks to locate blame for his crimes upon the mother, who he holds responsible for the breakdown of the family. This type may phone his partner beforehand to explain what he is about to do. I believe this is the man who feels his breadwinner status is central to their idea of the ideal family. The disappointed type believes his family has let him down or has acted in ways to undermine or destroy his vision of perfect family life. An example might be that the children are not following the traditional religious or cultural customs of the father.

 

A third, and I believe to be one I will be talking about in the future because it speaks to the possibility of a disordered personality person but more on that next week; is the Anomic killer. This one sees his family as a result of economic success, allowing him to display his achievements. However, if the father becomes a financial failure, he sees his family as no longer serving this function.

 

Another and the last one cited in the article is the Paranoid type. Annihilators perceive an external threat to the family. He may think that social services or the legal system will side against him and take away the children. In this case, the motive might be a twisted desire to protect the family. I think more accurately, is not to protect the family instead, to preserve it.

 

My conclusion is, it boils down to masculinity and perceptions of power that sets the background for the crime. His role in the family is central to what their idea of masculinity and what their part is in the family. If gender roles are central to the issue, I would say it is equally essential for society to understand that family roles should be defined and should be mutually agreed upon by the intimate partners. This would help prevent relationship ambivalence.

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Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable...

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help...

The Importance of Rapport

The Importance of Rapport

As trained counselors with decades of experience, we are able to establish rapport and facilitate an atmosphere of trust with most interviewees. Many studies show that if a person trusts the interviewer, they are much more likely to be forthcoming with relevant...

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

Received another request recently, to conduct a domestic violence evaluation. The mandate to get this evaluation was triggered by allegations spewing from the lips of both parents who were striving to gain the upper hand over the other parent. Effectively, these...

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Sometime back, I conducted an evaluation on a client who had been recently released from prison. Not only did I provisionally diagnosed this person, the client was previously diagnosed while in prison a number of years ago. What? Autism spectrum disorder. This poor...

Domestic Violence Treatment

Domestic Violence Treatment

A domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must focus treatment primarily on ending the participant's physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. The primary goal of a domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must be to increase the victim's safety by:...

Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911 or visit your nearest hospital

(360) 910-1687
mwillbur@willburcounseling.com

The Importance of Rapport

The Importance of Rapport

As trained counselors with decades of experience, we are able to establish rapport and facilitate an atmosphere of trust with most interviewees. Many studies show that if a person trusts the interviewer, they are much more likely to be forthcoming with relevant information.

The skill set we bring to this process can be very helpful to an attorney or other professional who needs to obtain reliable evidence in a civil or criminal case. Having a fresh set of eyes is often critical.

Attorneys or other professionals often feel like they are drowning in reports, medical records, interview transcripts, etc. It becomes more difficult to separate out the truly relevant material.

Also, it is human nature for someone who is very close to a case to have trouble looking at the situation with objectivity. Because of our familiarity with both legal and psychological concepts, we can effectively work with counsel or other professionals to provide an impartial perspective on the case.

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

Received another request recently, to conduct a domestic violence evaluation. The mandate to get this evaluation was triggered by allegations spewing from the lips of both parents who were striving to gain the upper hand over the other parent. Effectively, these parents were using their own children to navigate and get what they wanted through an unhealthy triangulation that accomplished nothing but to confuse the children.

When I get these types of requests, I know there may not be any criminal history or for that matter, there may not have been any police contact at all concerning one’s misbehavior in the home leaving me with a situation of, “Is there a propensity for violence in the home?” If so, then, by whom, and what would the treatment look like since there has not been a crime committed?

When I am faced with these kinds of evaluations, very little thought is given to what the evaluation process really is. I assure you that it is complex and requires not only collateral contact interviews but objective testing as well. This would include lethality testing as well as behavioral.

These evaluations can be life-changing for the person who is weaponizing the children to get what they want. Here’s why…I interview both partners, the children, and family members who have knowledge of the relationship and how they might be resolving their issues behind closed doors.

Some people are pretty good at taking tests but when faced with multiple testing instruments that amount to over 400 questions with multiple validating scales, the tests are hard to beat and with proper analysis of the results, they will likely yield some pretty accurate findings. The kind of findings that will land a person in some extended classes that cover behavioral change. And for the many that I have seen go to these classes, there is not a lot of “By in” to a program that is force feeding behavioral etiquette. Something to think about when you decide to use your own children in a quest for control…

Bottom line point to this is simply, resolve your issues amicably and if that’s not possible, then look next to mediation because couples in conflict are not always the best communicators and quiet frankly, are really inept of asking for what they want in a manner that will not burn the house down.

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Sometime back, I conducted an evaluation on a client who had been recently released from prison. Not only did I provisionally diagnosed this person, the client was previously diagnosed while in prison a number of years ago.

What? Autism spectrum disorder. This poor soul should never have been put in a correctional institute rather, in assisted living condition to teach and manage life skills. He will never be able to be completely autonomous but can enjoy the feeling of independence with some good and dedicated social worker who specializes in Autism.

To all the Corrections people I am connected with, I have this question, how often do (did) you see this scenario? I understand the “diminished capacity” rule but reality to this type is different and social interaction deficits can put this person in harms way. And yes, this person was traumatized while in prison and now, “I hate all Mexicans.”

Interestingly enough, the above statement is not really a racist based comment rather a person on the spectrum describing who it was who had traumatized him while incarcerated. There was nothing correctional about his stay in the house.

Related Insights

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

Why is Early-Life Attachment Important?

So often we hear things like, “Just let them cry it out” or “Ignore them, that’ll stop it.” I suppose if you want to have a child surrounded by anxiety issues in their adult life, that would be the way to go, you know, to create a being embedded with an insatiable...

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Profiles of Family Annihilators

Most often in the universe outside law enforcement and the Court system, family annihilators are viewed as sociopathic, living outside the law. But the research shows otherwise, and we should all take heed and consider the possible corrective actions that would help...

The Importance of Rapport

The Importance of Rapport

As trained counselors with decades of experience, we are able to establish rapport and facilitate an atmosphere of trust with most interviewees. Many studies show that if a person trusts the interviewer, they are much more likely to be forthcoming with relevant...

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

When Weaponizing Your Children Hurts

Received another request recently, to conduct a domestic violence evaluation. The mandate to get this evaluation was triggered by allegations spewing from the lips of both parents who were striving to gain the upper hand over the other parent. Effectively, these...

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Prison

Sometime back, I conducted an evaluation on a client who had been recently released from prison. Not only did I provisionally diagnosed this person, the client was previously diagnosed while in prison a number of years ago. What? Autism spectrum disorder. This poor...

Domestic Violence Treatment

Domestic Violence Treatment

A domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must focus treatment primarily on ending the participant's physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. The primary goal of a domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must be to increase the victim's safety by:...

Contact Me

Ask a question or book an appointment below. For emergencies call 911 or visit your nearest hospital

(360) 910-1687
mwillbur@willburcounseling.com

Domestic Violence Treatment

Domestic Violence Treatment

A domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must focus treatment primarily on ending the participant’s physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. The primary goal of a domestic violence perpetrator treatment program must be to increase the victim’s safety by:

  1. Facilitating change in the participant’s abusive behavior; and
  2. Holding the participant accountable for changing the participant’s patterns of behaviors, thinking, and beliefs.
    The minimum treatment period is the time required for the participant to fulfill all conditions of treatment set by the treatment program. Satisfactory completion of treatment is not based solely on a perpetrator participating in the treatment program for a certain period of time or attending a certain number of sessions.
  3. The program must require participants to attend treatment and satisfy all treatment program requirements for at least twelve consecutive months.
  4. The program must require the participant to attend:
    (a) A minimum of twenty-six consecutive weekly same gender group sessions, followed by:
    (b) Monthly sessions with the treatment provider until the twelve-month period is complete. These sessions must be conducted face-to-face with the participant by program staff who meet the minimum qualifications set forth in this chapter.