by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Familicide, Uncategorized
Are you afraid to say you are the head of your household? Do you and your spouse have agreed upon roles for the sake of organizing your family in order to raise the children in an organized, thoughtful, and forward thinking way of life? Or is your home in chaos?
If man has been socialized to think he is the controller but misunderstands the role, shouldn’t that thinking be explored? Is there really a problem with being assigned the role of head of household? Does it have to be either a man or a woman? What difference does it really make as long as there is integrity, continuity, and love in the home (love is not always a comfortable experience by the way).
Here is a thought to ponder – if you’re such a great leader in the work place, should you understand how to convert that leadership style into something more fitting for the family?
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Familicide, Uncategorized
My name is Sarah, I am but three, my eyes are swollen, I cannot see.
I must be stupid – I must be bad – What else could have made my Daddy so mad?
I wish I were better – I wish I weren’t ugly – Then maybe my mummy would still want to hug me
I can’t speak at all – I can’t do a wrong – Or else I’m locked up all day long
When I awake, I’m all alone – The house is dark – My parents aren’t home
When mummy does come, I’ll try to be nice – Then maybe I’ll just get – One whipping tonight
Don’t make a sound, I just heard a car – my daddy is back – From Charlie’s bar
I hear him curse – my name he calls – I press myself against the wall
I try to hide from his evil eyes – I’m so afraid now – I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping – He shouts ugly words – He says it’s my fault that he suffers at work
He slaps me and hits me, and yells at me more – I finally get free, And run for the door
He’s already locked it and I start to bawl – He takes me and throws me – against the hard wall
I fall to the floor – with my bones badly broken – And my daddy continues – with more bad words spoken
“I’m sorry!” I scream – but its now much too late – His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain – Again and again – oh please God have mercy – Oh please let it end
And he finally stops – and heads for the door – while I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah – I am but three – Tonight my daddy murdered me
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Uncategorized
Even when a person decides to change, it’s not like flipping the light switch off. The behavior continues without practicing alternative ways of conflict resolution. This is assuming the Abuser is not showing any sociopathic tendencies, in which case, no reason is needed for abuse. When a person decides to change, that first step is the most powerful of all changes.
The next step is to discover why the behavior was there in the first place – an exploration of belief systems to discover if there are any flaws in that area. Ask yourself, “How did I come to believe it’s okay to manipulate and use other controlling behaviors in order to maintain a comfort zone?”
If possible, after you have taken responsibility for your own abusive behaviors, explore your relationship and share with your partner how you are changing and trying to change (in time, you’ll not need to tell your partner as they will see the change). Learn to take criticism constructively and to invest into your emotional bank account by complimenting not only your intimate partner but everyone in your household. This investment cost no money and have a tremendous return ratio – guaranteed!
by Mike Willbur | Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Familicide, Uncategorized
I was raised by a father who was born in 1919 and a mother of the same era. They lived through the depression and family roles were very clear cut in those days (as I was taught by my father). My father was the care taker of the family matters and from all appearances, the final say about any disputes that presented. He, although a compassionate and fair man and certainly respected by the community, had all the power – he had the ultimate control over the family. Now, it wasn’t a malignant power; it was just how it was and society defined the roles of the men and women back then just as it is done now.
As the rules changed in regards to male and female roles, it was not met without resistance. You see, the power we had as men and caretakers of our family had been diminished by society and rightly so. Far too many abused their power over their partners and even those who were not responsible roles models for their families, continued to use and of course, abuse the assumed power over the family.
Here’s what I think happens when the control and power is questioned: It is thought to be an innate power and when it is questioned and the, let’s say, head of the household has problems with communication skills or has a fear of losing control, then anxiety becomes a component of the family dynamic and that just doesn’t mix well. This post is addressed to only the males – our society and the rules are ever so changing and we should embrace the differences between men and women and further, explore how to lose the fear of someone else sharing the load or in short, being in control. How do we define what a man is? That is the real question. As a man, what is more important? Love or Respect? I would ask the same question of any female readers. This is just a perspective and I write this knowing there are many more…
by Mike Willbur | Domestic Violence, Uncategorized
The following is not offered as legal advice. This information was retrieved from a google search and was copied to this blog to assist Veterans.
In Washington State, the expungement process differs between felony and misdemeanor convictions. The following 7 steps are an overview of what is involved.
1. The Required Time Period has Passed Since the Case Completed.
The first eligibility requirement to expunge your conviction in Washington State is passage of the required time period. For a misdemeanor, the time period begins to run on the date the case is closed. For a felony conviction, the time period begins to run on the date a document called a Certificate of Discharge is filed with the court. In both instances, a case is closed or a Certificate of Discharge is filed after all the sentence conditions are completed as required.
2. The Conviction is Eligible for Expungement.
Certain convictions, and classifications of convictions, are not eligible for Expungement in Washington State. Generally, class A felonies (the most serious), sex crimes, and violent crimes cannot be expunged in Washington State. Among misdemeanors, Washington State does not permit a DUI conviction to be expunged.
3. You Meet the Clean Behavior Requirement.
Two situations will make your conviction ineligible for expungement. For a misdemeanor, if you were convicted of another crime on a later date then you would not be eligible to have the misdemeanor expunged. For example, if you were convicted of a misdemeanor in 1995, and another crime in 1997, then the 1995 crime would not be eligible to be expunged. For a felony, if you were convicted of another crime after the date the Certificate of Discharge was filed then you cannot expunge the felony.
4. Special Rule for Misdemeanors.
Washington State has an interesting rule that applies only to misdemeanor convictions. To expunge a misdemeanor, you cannot have had any other conviction expunged (vacated). What this means is if a person has a felony conviction and a misdemeanor conviction, and the person expunged the felony conviction first, then the misdemeanor could no longer be expunged. However, if the misdemeanor was expunged first, and if the misdemeanor conviction occurred before the felony conviction, then the felony could still be expunged.
5. Preparation.
An expungement, or vacation of a criminal conviction, requires a judge to sign a court Order. The court process is begun by filing a Motion to Vacate Conviction with the court. Prior to filing the Motion, you should get copies of the Docket and the Judgment & Sentence from the court clerk. You should also obtain a criminal history report, called a WATCH Report, from the Washington State Patrol website.
6. Your Day In Court.
Most Washington State courts require a hearing to Expunge, or Vacate, a criminal conviction. Most courts do not require you to attend if you have a lawyer appearing at the hearing on your behalf. If the preparation has been done properly, then the hearing should go very smoothly and the judge will sign the Court Order Vacating your criminal conviction.
7. Your Criminal Record is cleared.
The court clerk processes the Order and sends a certified copy to the Washington State Patrol, which removes the conviction from the public database. The FBI record is updated based on the Washington State record. And, if the Order was prepared correctly, a copy will also be sent to the police department that handled the case and your record will also be cleared in their file. Your conviction has now been expunged (vacated), and your criminal record is cleared.
The above is not meant to be legal advice rather surface information about the procedures. Although it is not required to have an attorney to accomplish this, if any questions arise concerning the procedures to vacate, an Attorney should be consulted.
by Mike Willbur | Domestic Violence, Uncategorized
I have noticed in DV treatment group meetings that unless a person realizes they are worthwhile, change may be more of an uphill battle than it already is. It’s really sad for me to witness this self loathing and believe it can be countered by helping people learn how to trust. As this trust develops, a person may become more self assured and more comfortable in expressing themselves and even develop assertion skills along the way…
